Fantasy Gazette

Heartbreak comes in many shapes and forms.

Fantasy football players around the world gathered in sorrow this week when a report showed that fantasy points from last season will have absolutely no bearing on the 2021 season, which begins tonight when the Dallas Cowboys face the defending champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

“I thought it was a guarantee Davante Adams would repeat his same stats from last year? What do you mean it’s not a sure thing?!,” yelled one local player.

The Fantasy Gazette went even deeper, and discovered that not only will 2020 fantasy points not count, but NO previous season’s stats will even contribute a single point to fantasy matchups this fall.

This news was especially hard for local player Evan Schmidt.

“I just loaded up my home redraft league with players that balled out at some point in the last couple years,” he said. “I’m starting to think my starting roster might be in trouble now. I was considering them repeating their stats as a guaranteed.”

The startling report continued to send shockwaves to the fantasy football community, who – like clockwork – once again fell for the hilarious lie that they could even remotely predict what happens each NFL season. Shocking injuries, drop offs in talent, touchdown rates, disappointing offenses and Adam Gase all contribute to the roller coaster of emotions and changes that make fantasy football unpredictable. Perhaps next year will be the year that we can finally use historical data to accurately predict what will happen in the 2022 NFL season.