Fantasy Gazette

Local dynasty player Madeline Cooper was reportedly “shaking” and “in shambles” after a quick Google search of “Jonathan Taylor age” led her to discover the star running back’s 30th birthday is rapidly approaching, and will be here in eight years.

“I drafted JT with my 1.03 rookie pick last year, and it was going well for a while,” Cooper said. “But running backs tend to decline heavily when they get old. I just found out Jonathan Taylor is going to be 30 in just eight years, I’m running out of time – and so is he.”

It’s common fantasy football knowledge that running backs have a short window for success, and outside of the Frank Gores and Adrian Petersons of the world, do not retain much value into their 30s. Following the Google search, Cooper had to completely reassess her dynasty team moving forward, knowing that Taylor’s inevitable demise was just two presidential terms away.

At press time, Cooper took a few deep breaths, and placed Jonathan Taylor on the trade block in her league, hoping to land a 2nd round pick or more for the soon-to-be senior citizen.