Monthly Archives: August 2021

NFL Announces Conferences Will Now Be Divided By Vaccination Status

Commissioner Roger Goodell announced Thursday a groundbreaking new shift for the NFL – for the first time in decades, the AFC and NFC will be no more. The two conferences will now be split up by the players’ COVID-19 vaccination status. Starting in 2021, the VFC (Vaccinated Football Conference) and UFC (Un-Vaccinated Football Conference) will split down the middle. All

Read more

LARP Community Demands Fantasy Football Players Remove ‘Fantasy’ From Their Name

San Francisco, CA – At the 2021 LARP-Con, advocates for inclusive language have demanded fantasy football players remove the term ‘fantasy’ from their name, effective immediately. “We have had enough,” said Evan Draper while dressed as Sir Lancelot of the Round Table. “They’ve gotten away for this blasphemous language for too long. WE are the true fantasizers, not these heathenous

Read more

GENIUS: This Right-Winger Gets His Revenge On Colin Kaepernick By Acquiring Him In Fantasy Football And Then Benching Him

Birmingham, AL – Local conservative man Jonathan Watson has exacted his revenge on former NFL QB Colin Kaepernick by drafting him with his final pick in the “Make Fantasy Great Again” league he created with some friends from high school. Watson plans to leave Kaepernick on his bench every single week. “Finally got that son’ bitch,” Watson said with a

Read more

Local Fantasy Player Reluctantly Drafts Derrick Henry With Final Pick In PPR League

Tallahassee, FL – With the very last pick in his home full-point PPR league, a local fantasy player sighed deeply before selecting Titans RB Derrick Henry, sources confirmed. The mammoth RB has been a fantasy stud the past two years, but doesn’t really catch passes – making him completely irrelevant for PPR leagues. The brave, daring soul chose Henry over

Read more

Study Shows Day Jobs Prevent Fantasy Football Players From Over $5 Billion In Annual Winnings

A new study has revealed that the day jobs thh he at tie fantasy football players to a desk is costing them a combined $5 billion in annual winnings from tournaments, leagues, and apps like DraftKings and FanDuel. We are not trying to demonize having a job,” Matthew Berry said Friday. “It is important to understand that there are more

Read more

Woman Listening to Fantasy Football Podcast Not Sure why Men Need So Many Ads Reminding Them To Shave Their Balls

SEATTLE, WA – Local fantasy football player Courtney Smith was catching up on a few of her favorite podcasts when she was reportedly ‘confused’ why the male listeners needed to many reminders to shave their balls, sources to the Gazette confirmed. “I mean, I guess the new SkinSafe technology from Manscaped is kinda nice,” she said. “Are their male listeners

Read more
« Older Entries