Fantasy Gazette

TAMPA, FL – Shocking reports from Florida show that Bucs QB Tom Brady is now 44 years old, sending his fantasy football value into a complete nosedive.

“Oh shit, he’s in his 40s?,” said local player A.J. Holcomb. “There’s no way he can keep up his two consecutive decades of unparalleled success at his position now.” Many fantasy experts on Twitter chimed in with their takes.

“I doubted Tom’s long-term success on his 36th, 37th, 38th, 39th, 40th, 41st, 42nd, and 43rd birthdays, and that didn’t work it. I am absolutely sure birthday #44 is the one where he falls off the cliff,” said @GeniusQB_FF.

“I told people to stash Kyle Trask and Blaine Gabbert on podcasts in case Tom Brady gets hurt, so I am praying to God himself Tom suffers a gruesome season-ending injury,” said Kyle Yates. “I would just love that.”

“Listen here, Jack, the only quarterback we’ve seen have sustained success in his 40s is Tom Brady of the New England Patriots. I’m not sure about this new Tampa Bay guy,” said President Joe Biden.

Fantasy players around the world are reacting to the pivotal news that Tom Brady is 44 years old, and adjusting accordingly. Upon the revelation today that Father Time still showed up, Brady’s new dynasty ADP is somewhere in the 24th round, in between Devine Ozigbo and Chad Beebe.