Don’t Say You ‘Own’ Players. Use These 5 New Terms Instead!
Saying you “own” a player in fantasy is a hate crime, and socially-conscious players know not to say it. It’s problematic and extremely outdated, having been primarily used from 2000 until 2021. We think it’s time to create better language that we will collectively hate and want to change again in 20 years. Fantasy Gazette has come up with some new ways to talk about who’s on your team. Let’s dive in.
1. Players are submissive to you
It’s no secret you’re the dominant partner between yourself and the digital version of Juju Smith-Schuster. You control if he goes on the top (starting) or bottom (bench) of your roster. Your players have no choice but to submit to your dominance, so feel free to start using this term!
2. You are their God
Instead of using terms like ownership, start referring yourself as the personal deity of your rosters. By calling yourself their God, you allow for a healthy boundary that both strikes fear and a certain level of respect. Now, you can truly feel progressive by saying you’re the physical God of the entire Green Bay Packers defensive unit! Yay!
3. You are allowed to have them
Start replacing your entitled, problematic, ego with something more like this phrase. Reminding yourself that you’re “allowed to have” Austin Ekeler makes him more like a pet to you. This means you’ll have an attitude of gratitude when thinking about the players on your team.
4. You are their ‘Non-Possession-Specific’ Leader
Ownership is a social construct, and possessing things exists on a spectrum. There aren’t just “owners” and “players,” and sometimes owners are just players trapped inside an owner’s body. Start using this inclusive language so you don’t feel like a criminal overlord when talking about your made-up football roster!
5. You ‘purchased’ them
This one’s mainly for the sharks who are in fantasy for the monetary gain. Imagine next time, instead of saying you “own” Kirk Cousins and Adam Theilen, go tell Jerry by the water cooler that you “purchased” the QB/WR teammates. This reminds Jerry that you aren’t an evil slaveowner or something, but rather that you simply gave up legal tender in exchange for their sacrifice and performance that should net you some sweet cash!
We hope these helped. Head on out there and start showing your progressive side! Don’t forget to make everyone that still uses the term “own” feel like a giant bigot. Bonus points if you can get them cut off from their social circles and remove any external support for them! Go you!