Fantasy Gazette

JACKSONVILLE, FL – Jaguars first-year head coach Urban Meyer shocked reporters Thursday when he admitted he’s in the middle of a fantasy football draft and can’t decide between Trevor Lawrence and Gardner Minshew.

“Yeah, I don’t have a freaking clue you guys,” Meyer said in a haze. “On one hand, Lawrence is a generational talent with an amazing resume. Minshew has a dope-ass moustache and I think he had a couple good games or something last year for fantasy, right? Golly gosh, this is a tough call.”

Meyer reportedly went back and forth from the Sleeper app to Google, checking statistics and player projections trying to figure out which quarterback he would want on his fantasy football team. Meyer was floored when he learned all the fantasy analysts are just waiting on Meyer himself to name a starter.

“Ugh, I guess it all comes down to which one I decide to start, but even I don’t know who I’m gonna choose five minutes before we take the field against Houston next month. Someone out there wanna just pick for me? I feel like a kid in a candy store who can’t decide between a really good candy and a really cool-looking candy that tastes much worse.”

Reporters were left even more confused that Meyer couldn’t make up his mind when the choice was so clear to them.

At press time, Meyer had called up Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll to pick his brain on how he was able to come to a quick decision this year on whether to start Russell Wilson over Geno Smith at quarterback so quickly.