Fantasy Gazette

Troy, OH – Local self-proclaimed DFS “expert” Curtis West woke up Sunday morning with a groundbreaking thought: ‘I’ve got to get Keenan Allen in my WR1 spot, not Justin Jefferson!’

West was entering in a sports betting app’s million-dollar prize competition, and had been relentlessly searching statistics, matchups, and injuries to get *just* the right lineup that will win him exactly $0 USD.

“Sure, my bankroll is rapidly depleting but this is the one! I’ve made changes on this lineup 30 times, and I KNOW I’ll be a millionaire later today,” said the man who won’t win any money on it. “I don’t do 50/50s, I shoot for the stars baby,” West said despite only entering tournaments and already losing $200 by Week 3.

The grand total of 30 edits on this particular lineup saw Mr. West change his QB the most at 11 times, the only one he didn’t select will likely go on to be the top-scoring signal caller on the day. West was also blissfully unaware that edit #17 was a perfect lineup, and would’ve cruised to $1,000,000 had West not instantly looked at it with disgust, saying: “…yeah, not a chance this one gets it done. What am I thinking?”

At press time, West once again changed the lineup, and removed the Ravens DST in favor of the Lions. West leaned back, put both his hands behind his head, and shouted out “Galaxy brain time!” The shout woke his wife up.