Fantasy Gazette

NEW YORK, NY – Following a near week-long investigation into Raiders’ Head Coach Jon Gruden’s former e-mails, team owner Mark Davis decided to part ways with Gruden. It was then executives at Fox News decided Gruden would be a perfect fit to cover the National Football League for Fox. The hiring was made just nine minutes after he was fired. Take that, cancel culture!

“He’s the perfect fit,” said one executive. “Jon didn’t offend any of the people we like,” said another. “These liberal snowflakes want to take cancel culture and put it in the coronavirus vaccine and let the immigrants rig the 2020 election, and…um…where was I going with this?” said a third. It’s clear the higher ups at Fox are thrilled to have him in the building!

Gruden will host his own show called “Offensive Interference,” where he will be allowed full creative freedom to offend whichever people groups he prefers as long as they are not straight or white. Cancel culture tried to keep Gruden down, but Fox News was right there to pick up the pieces.

At press time, Gruden was cutting up with fellow Fox staffers at the water cooler when he accidentally let an insensitive word slip. The group around him made a sudden gasp, paused, and then burst into enormous laughter when Gruden almost began apologizing.

Good luck with the new gig, Jon!

Editor’s Note: If it is the year 2030 or later and society shifts to the point where the popular thing to do is go back and ‘cancel’ the writers of satirical articles based on other people getting cancelled, we deeply apologize and ask for your forgiveness…we at the Gazette consider ourselves men of faith and never meant for anyone to get hurt.