Fantasy Gazette

LAS VEGAS, NV – The 2010 version of Jon Gruden, who will be unemployed from the NFL in 2021, woke up to a strange e-mail sitting in his inbox. “Hey that’s weird, man, it’s my attorney and it was sent 10 years from now,” Gruden said. “They say I’m getting sued by some guy named Jon Gruden from the future. This ain’t very Spider 2Y Banana of him if you know what I mean, man. He must be some kind of minority or someone else I don’t like, man.”

Further down the email, Gruden realized he was being sued by the 2021 version of himself, and sat back in his recliner in pure confusion. “First off, this email account is where I go for my racist and homophobic rants, man, not lawsuits,” Gruden continued. He read further, and discovered emails he had sent the other day about commissioner Roger Goodell, Michael Sam, and others will have led to his demise in the future.

“This 2021 version of Jon Gruden sounds like a real [redacted] man,” said Gruden. “This guy’s suing me for getting him fired? No way, man, I’d take personal responsibility for all the things I’ve done or said. Can’t believe this little [redacted] has the balls to [redacted] screw me like this, man. I’m sending this email to the spam folder, man. Besides, if this really was me and I coached the Raiders, I’d have like 16 Super Bowl rings, man.”

At press time, 2021 Jon Gruden was scrambling for options after not hearing back from his former self and told his attorney to sue “society or something.”