Fantasy Gazette

NEW YORK – Roger Goodell met with the media in a surprise press conference Friday to address the state of the NFL with over 100 players now on the Reserve/Covid list. Goodell made it abundantly clear to reporters that the games will continue to be played unless “significantly better players than this puny list start getting sick.” Goodell adjusted a set of reading glasses downward on his nose and waved a packet full of currently sick and ailing players while reporters tilted their heads in confusion.

“Baker Mayfield, covid, Taylor Heinicke, covid,” Goodell said. “Yeah, remind me how many Super Bowls these guys have sniffed? Anyone got fantasy football championships on the line from these guys?,” Goddell asked. “Mhmm, didn’t think so. The show must go on.”

Welp, he’s got a point, the nation agreed. Household names like Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and Najee Harris are all not sick from covid, so why should their games get cancelled? The NFL and NFLPA coming together to remind fans that as long as studs are on the field is totally understanding the assignment and we are here for it.

Goodell continued further down the list and making notes over to his associate: “Okay, Cedrick Wilson, ignore that. Oof, Tyler Lockett…well, then again, you never know with him. Go ahead and postpone that one a couple days. Quez Watkins, I don’t even know who that is.”

“Yeah, listen up guys,” Goodell said as he closed. “As long as there are fantasy playoffs and Pro Bowlers on the list to take the field we are going to play these games,” he said. “Call me when one of my moneymakers gets a fever and I’ll personally meet them there with a warm blankie and some 7up.”