Monthly Archives: January 2022

Fauci Recommends All Americans Reach NFL Playoffs To Avoid Coronavirus

According to sources, President Biden’s chief medical adviser Dr. Anthony Fauci has recommended Americans who want to stay safe from covid should reach, and advance through, the NFL playoffs. “Everyone in the general public – from factory workers to middle managers to their mothers and cousins – should all be actively trying to reach the NFL playoffs,” said Fauci to

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INSPIRATIONAL: This Make-A-Wish Kid Achieved His Dream Of 1,000-Yard, 9-Touchdown Season

LAS VEGAS, NV – Raiders owner Mark Davis was reflecting on his team’s winning season and playoff berth when he remarked his favorite part was letting that “Make-A-Wish” kid catch 100 passes for over 1,000 yards and 9 touchdowns. “I can’t remember what was wrong with that kid but it looks severe,” said Davis. “He was so determined to have

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Jets Fan Grateful His Team Never Puts Him Through Playoff Heartbreak

NEW YORK, NY – Local Jets fan Dennis Anderson was reportedly in high spirits Monday morning when his favorite NFL team, the New York Jets, successfully spared him from enduring a heartbreaking playoff loss. “After the way some of these teams lost this weekend, it feels amazing to have my team thoughtfully avoid that kind of disappointment altogether for guys

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NFL Approves 32-Team Playoff Format Because You’ll Still Watch It You Slut

New York, NY – Roger Goodell, along with the NFL Board of Trustees, excitedly announced Monday that beginning in the 2022-23 season, the NFL playoffs will expand to 32 teams because you’ll still watch it you slut. “You know you want this,” Goodell said at a press conference Monday. “We know every part of you. We know what you want.

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Fantasy Football Player Trying To Acquire Orphan Accidentally Adopts Child

Rochester, NY – Local fantasy football player Shaun Winston, whose friends were pressuring him into joining “dynasty” leagues, has reportedly adopted a child on accident, sources say. “I think I went to the wrong website,” said Winter. “I wanted to play fantasy year round, and my buddies said I should try dynasty and find an orphan, and one thing led

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MVP Voter Won’t Vote For Aaron Rodgers Because His Mom Cheated On Him In High School

Minneapolis, MN – Sports analyst and writer Herb Arnold made headlines this week when he announced that no matter what happens in Week 18, Aaron Rodgers will not get his vote for NFL MVP. “I will not be voting for Rodgers. He’s had a great statistical season, but he’s caused a bunch of distractions and his mom cheated on me

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‘I Totally Knew Cooper Kupp Would Go Nuclear,’ Says Man Who Accidentally Drafted Him In 7th Round

Lansing, MI – Local fantasy football player Devin Patton was in high spirits following his team’s championship victory this past weekend, mainly off the back of Rams stud wideout Cooper Kupp. The Rams have one game left, and Kupp has a chance to break Calvin Johnson’s NFL record for receiving yards. Kupp is also the league leader in receptions (138)

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NFL Players Excited To Receive Normal Death Threats Again Now That Fantasy Football Is Over

Week 17 is known to fantasy players around the globe as the end of the season. To NFL players, it’s known as a return to the familiar and comfortable: death threats that aren’t about fantasy football. “All year, me and my loved ones received death threats because I didn’t get people fantasy wins,” said Panthers RB Christian McCaffrey. “Now I’ll

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