MVP Voter Won’t Vote For Aaron Rodgers Because His Mom Cheated On Him In High School
Minneapolis, MN – Sports analyst and writer Herb Arnold made headlines this week when he announced that no matter what happens in Week 18, Aaron Rodgers will not get his vote for NFL MVP. “I will not be voting for Rodgers. He’s had a great statistical season, but he’s caused a bunch of distractions and his mom cheated on me in high school.”
Arnold, who attended the same high school as Darla in the 1970’s, said he “went steady” with her for weeks. While together, Darla kissed another boy at a party. “After Darla cheated on me in high school, I was devastated and made a promise to myself to always harbor that anger. The Rodgers’ are a distraction off the field. What if Darla cheats on the Packers by becoming a Lions fan?! Then how will you feel Packer nation?? Oh god Darla why did you do this to me??? (loud sobbing)”
Arnold collected himself before continuing. “I mean, seriously, she kissed Jim Larson at that party. That guy was such a loser, man. What did Jim have that I don’t? Aaron Rodgers and his mom both suck, there’s just no way they’ve done anything decent to anyone. Therefore, he’s not my MVP.”
We also asked Arnold about his background after moving to Minnesota immediately after being cheated on by Darla and if his Vikings fandom is causing any bias.
“Oh, hell yes. SKOL, bitch,” said Arnold.