Fantasy Gazette

LAS VEGAS, NV – Raiders owner Mark Davis was reflecting on his team’s winning season and playoff berth when he remarked his favorite part was letting that “Make-A-Wish” kid catch 100 passes for over 1,000 yards and 9 touchdowns.

“I can’t remember what was wrong with that kid but it looks severe,” said Davis. “He was so determined to have an excellent season for our club. These Make-A-Wish kids have really stepped their game up. They used to just ask for a jersey or to run in a touchdown at halftime, now they want entire seasons of elite play for their favorite clubs. The dedication to Raider nation is inspiring.”

QB Derek Carr was also sentimental, saying that he kept peppering the third-year terminally-ill slot receiver with targets to help him achieve his goal. “We’re gonna save this kid, I just know it. We all spent hours praying for him and raising funds to cure whatever disease he has. Hey, maybe next year he’ll wish for a Super Bowl win! That would be so cool for all the sick hospital kids who want to do that one day! Feels great to help out, man,” said Carr.

At press time, WR Hunter Renfrow said he had “no idea” what the hell any of them were talking about and that he is a regular professional athlete who improved his stats with better performance, opportunities, and comfort in the offense. A few reporters were brought to tears by how believable the Make-A-Wish kid sounded.