Fantasy Gazette

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Gazette sources confirmed Thursday that a leaguemate just sent you the most dogshit trade offer you’ve ever seen in your life for your best player. The trade consists of multiple running backs above the age of 28 and a wide receiver who caught two touchdowns last season. Multiple sources around your league also tell us that adding up the players points per game, doubling that total, and then tripling it again does in fact equal the scoring your best player would provide the other team. Your leaguemate also wants you to know that you can “feel free to counter.”

Following your rejection of the dumpster fire trade offer, further reports added that your leaguemate responded with “Screw you, then, dude, I’m doing your team a favor. You’re blind if you can’t see that, dumbass. My god, why do I even play fantasy with you?”

At press time, the leaguemate had sent you seventeen additional trades, including two 4th rounders for your 1st rounder next year, a tight end for your starting quarterback, and $11.74 he had left on a McDonald’s gift card under the table if you’d be willing to consider the original dogshit trade offer after coming to your senses, pussy.