Fantasy Gazette

Pittsburgh, PA – Local diehard Steelers fan Gregg Ward walked into his 15-year-old son Axel’s room Monday evening, shocked to see the teen secretly watching “HOT: Mitch Trubisky Penetrates Tight Defense And Scores” on his personal computer. Axel turned around in shame before yelling at his dad to get up and cleaning up using a terrible towel.

“Now, son,” the father said, sitting down across from his son. “We are Steelers fans. It’s perfectly natural to get excited about an awesome quarterback, but we are better than this. We have to resist the temptation to watch filth like this. Some day, you’ll grow up and realize watching a real quarterback is way better, and this is just some cheap substitute to fill the void.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just really, really, want to experience having an elite quarterback. I see all these pictures and videos online of Ben Roethlisberger when he was younger and I just can’t control myself. I know watching these Trubisky highlights are false hope, but my body really wants them to be true,” Axel said before his dad helped him install VidAngel.

At press time, Gregg looked around his house before sneaking into the master bedroom and taking out his secret stash of Terry Bradshaw VHS tapes he kept hidden under the bed.