Fantasy Football Player Killed After Gunman Asks Him To Name A Single Defensive Player
Los Angeles, CA – Tragic reports out of Orange County have confirmed local fantasy football player Ricardo Gonzalez has been killed after a kidnapper asked him to name any one defensive football player currently playing in the National Football League. Gonzalez is in over 35 fantasy football and dynasty leagues, but was unable to satisfy the gunman’s request in time by correctly stating any one first and last name of a defensive player in the NFL.
Gonzalez could’ve come up with any number of offensive players, like superstars Patrick Mahomes, Jonathan Taylor, and Justin Jefferson. He also knows Collin Johnson, Salvon Ahmed, and Jesper Horsted. Unfortunately for him and his alive-ness, the gunman needed him to name just one, any single one, just ONE, player on the defensive side of the ball. Gonzalez was reportedly heard yelling out “Does Packers Defense Slash Special Teams count?!?! What if I said Rob Gronkowski? He played defense hilariously that one time!”
Fantasy football players across the nation have been shocked to their core over the news. “Wow. The only defensive player I know is the Rams’ Aaron Donaldson, I guess I’m going to need to be ready for a gunman to shoot me in the head if I have to name more guys like Avon Miller,” fantasy player Luke Sawhook said. “I could name every starting running back for every NFL team of the past 15 years, but now that we could be killed for not knowing some of these random guys on defense?? Times have truly changed. Now fantasy players like me are going to have to give a crap about linebackers like Bobby Leonard and Darius Wagner just to keep our lives.”
At press time, another fantasy football player had been kidnapped by two men on bicycles dressed as Jehovah Witnesses who were interrogating him about his favorite punters.