Fantasy Gazette

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Local man Daniel Roberts has always followed the NFL. He normally has a keen eye for pointing out underrated quarterbacks like Jimmy Garoppolo, but recent reports showed his affection for “Jimmy G” is actually just a reflection of him being a dumbass, sources say.

“Our team ran several tests to determine the root causes of Roberts’ love of one Mr. James Garoppolo,” said Mitchell Monaghan, Head Professor of Psychology at Utah State University. “The Subject displayed dumbassery, no question. His delusions of Garoppolo being a serviceable starting QB hinge on the delusional. That being said, I’ve invited him to play in a few of my fantasy football leagues.”

Roberts was adamant that Garoppolo was good, recalling his Super Bowl performance and “pwning” (we couldn’t believe he used that outdated term either) of Aaron Rodgers in the 2021 playoffs made him a Hall of Famer just based on those two things. Roberts was unable to name anything else Garoppolo has accomplished.

Roberts is also a huge believer in Baker Mayfield, Sam Darnold, and Drew Lock. Since the consensus opinion is that they are bad, something deep within Roberts’ psyche shows that in order to get a leg up on other people, he completely reverses all common sense just to be contrarian. “It’s truly remarkable, the subject just goes against the wise opinion so he can be different. He also thinks Dez caught it, that Jeffery Epstein killed himself and that the Covid-19 vaccine would emit 5G radiation into his body. Worst of all, he drafted Jimmy Garoppolo in fantasy. This guy’s an absolute dumbass, case closed,” Monaghan said.