Monthly Archives: July 2022

Kyler Murray Signs Massive Twitch Contract That Requires 4 Weekly Hours Of Fortnite Practice

FaZe member and part-time Cardinals QB Kyler Murray has signed a massive contract extension with Twitch, locking him into the platform for the forseeable future at a handsome salary, but the contract features a clause that has worried FaZe fans and the gaming community. Twitch included a clause that Kyler Murray must practice his building, combat, and position skills at

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Local Man Who Hates “Long, Boring” Fantasy Football Articles Really Enjoying 58-Tweet Thread

Manitowoc, WI – Local fantasy football player Desmond Payne has long been critical of NFL and fantasy articles that are “too long and boring” for him. That was, until, his favorite analyst decided to space out all the sentences one by one in a twitter “thread.” “I really like how each sentence is on a new line. Articles have these

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Fantasy Football Player Who Had Trade Screenshot Exposed Without His Username Crossed Out Placed In Witness Protection

Earlier this summer, during a fateful night of bar crawling and poor decisions, “Aaron Bright” found himself stumbling home and playing around on the Sleeper app, a popular fantasy football platform. Full of beer and carnal instincts, Bright sent out a flurry of ill-advised trades to his leaguemates. It wasn’t until the next morning he realized what happened. Mr. Bright,

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Bucs’ Leonard Fournette: “I Am In The Biggest Shape Of My Life”

TAMPA, FL – Despite reports that his weight had become a problem for Bucs’ coaches, starting RB Leonard Fournette addressed the media Monday to clear the air, happily stating that he was “in the biggest shape of my life.” “Don’t listen to that report that said my coaches were angry,” Fournette said, mentioning a devastating report that didn’t actually even

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Matthew Berry Leaving Fantasy Football At ESPN To Focus On MCU Cameos

Bristol, CT – Matthew Berry, a fantasy football analyst and longtime ESPN employee, announced Monday that July 2022 marks his final time at the company. A true pioneer, Berry paved the way for fantasy football enthusiasts to pursue a career in the industry. Shockingly, Berry also announced his next career move is showing up in more Marvel films. “ESPN and

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Panthers Announce Josh Allen Is Their Next QB Target: “The 2018 Class Will Be Ours”

CHARLOTTE, NC – Drunk with power following the acquisition of QB Baker Mayfield from Cleveland, the Carolina Panthers announced Wednesday they will “stop at nothing” to acquire Bills superstar QB Josh Allen in order to complete their collection of the 2018 quarterback class. “This is the move our fans have been begging us to do,” head coach Matt Rhule said.

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