Bucs’ Leonard Fournette: “I Am In The Biggest Shape Of My Life”

TAMPA, FL – Despite reports that his weight had become a problem for Bucs’ coaches, starting RB Leonard Fournette addressed the media Monday to clear the air, happily stating that he was “in the biggest shape of my life.”

“Don’t listen to that report that said my coaches were angry,” Fournette said, mentioning a devastating report that didn’t actually even quote any coaches. “The shape that I am in is nobody’s business but mine and everyone on the internet. I’ve seen your Eddie Lacy jokes, and I raise you one thriving black American man you would just love to see lose to Rich Eisen at a 40-yard dash. I’ve had enough of this. That’s it, I’m going to Burger King.”

Fournette’s press conference all followed him to Burger King as he ate two Whopper meals and then delivered a devastating stiff arm to the BK mascot on the sidewalk innocently trying to bring in customers.

“TACKLE THIS, MOFO,” said Fournette, impressing every media member that followed him to the chain restaurant as well as a few local patrons. “A.J. DILLON AINT GOT SHIT ON ME!”

At press time, Fournette had returned home for a nap while the rest of the team stayed late with QB Tom Brady for six more hours of film study on the team’s week 10 opponent.

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