Fantasy Gazette

Olathe, KS – Tragic news broke out this morning as a local man was found dead in his mancave following a night of binging preseason NFL news and injecting training camp highlights into his veins.

The man was identified as 34-year-old Doug Lynch, a diehard Kansas City Chiefs fan. Friends and neighbors say he was constantly refreshing sports news across the NFL offseason, ready to get high on any number of buzz pieces and reports saying anything positive about the team’s players. Neighbors said he was hospitalized after injecting Darwin Thompson highlights into his veins in 2019, but clearly didn’t learn his lesson.

We reached out to Lynch’s highlights dealer, who has been peddling Isaiah Pacheco highlights most of August. He was unavailable for comment, but police reports are showing Kansas City and the rest of the nation are increasingly falling victim to injections of Pacheco highlights and other players as the NFL season approaches on the horizon.

Fantasy Gazette is against the use of drugs, and encourages you and anyone you know who may be in danger of injecting too many training camp highlights into their veins to seek help immediately.