Fantasy Gazette

Tom Holland. Zayn Malik. Jimmy Fallon. Ben Shapiro. That beautiful chocolate man who does the Allstate commercials. These men absolutely exude sexual energy and we, as consumers, are allowed to simply bathe in it. In fact, we are even encouraged to. In today’s world we are completely surrounded by attractive male bodies which are solely to be used for ogling, experiencing, and lusting after. Why should the NFL be any different?

I was going to craft a lengthy and well researched essay on why sexualizing NFL players is necessary, but I think I will allow you, cherished reader, to come to that conclusion on your own. Please continue scrolling and be sure to let go of any preconceived notions regarding an appropriate level of NFL player sexualization. Let them go. Allow these photographs to make you feel how they make you feel. Shhhh. It’s okay. I promise it will be okay.

I think that is probably enough to convince you NFL players absolutely MUST be sexualized more. And I’m tired of pretending they shouldn’t. The movement is here. Join us.