Monthly Archives: September 2022

6 reasons Why Fantasy Football Players Have More Sex Than Everyone Else

Everyone that has ever walked God’s green Earth knows that fantasy football players are roughly 69 times more likely to participate in “the sex” or receive sexual favors than those who refrain from playing fantasy football. We all learn it at some point in middle school sexual education, I know I did! We don’t know about you, but we have

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NFL Celebrating Latino Heritage Month By Broadcasting Games With Dark Yellow Filter

BREAKING – Sources have confirmed that the NFL is promoting Latino Heritage Month (September 15th-October 15th) by broadcasting all of its live gamed with a dark yellow color filter to give the appearance the games are being played in Mexico. Commissioner Roger Goodell said the move is a long overdue one to give representation to the constantly dark and ominous

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Local Man Takes Six-Hour Break From Work To Check On Fantasy Football Team

NORFOLK, VA – Local accountant and fantasy football player Christian Campbell told reporters Wednesday he was going to check his cell phone for a quick six hours to update and manage his fantasy football rosters. A quick check-in to see which waiver claims he successfully made overnight at approximately 10:00 am will last until “roughly 4:00 pm, give or take,”

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10 Tips For Managing Emotions When Your Spouse Is Gone For The NFL Season

It’s a common occurrence for modern Americans: loved ones on deployment from September to February during the NFL season. Spouses of NFL fans are stuck at home, watching the time pass and trying to make the most of their spouse’s deployment to the couch. Here are 10 tips you can use to manage your negative emotions while your spouse is

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Success! This Fantasy Football Player Didn’t Add A Second Personality Trait Throughout The Entire NFL Offseason

ATLANTA, GA – Stetson Madison, a local fantasy football enthusiast, has held strong through the 2022 NFL offseason. Despite many opportunities to pick up a second hobby other than fantasy football, Madison actively and aggressively refused every single one of them. Pleas from his old college buddies to play disc golf on Saturday mornings, wine tasting invites from his wife,

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Guy Who Just Took A Quarterback In The First Round Of His Draft Again Thinks This Finally The Year He Doesn’t Take Last Place

WICHITA, KS – Looking to avenge his last-place finishes in 2020 and 2021, sources confirmed local idiot Brandon Miller is zeroing in on his quarterback for his fantasy football draft later this summer, and he’s going to do it in the first round again. “I always pick a quarterback first and my team sucks! But that’s just a coincidence, I

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