Success! This Fantasy Football Player Didn’t Add A Second Personality Trait Throughout The Entire NFL Offseason
ATLANTA, GA – Stetson Madison, a local fantasy football enthusiast, has held strong through the 2022 NFL offseason. Despite many opportunities to pick up a second hobby other than fantasy football, Madison actively and aggressively refused every single one of them.
Pleas from his old college buddies to play disc golf on Saturday mornings, wine tasting invites from his wife, and “a billion f*cking requests” from his 9-year-old twins to just play one please-dad-just-one round of MarioKart, Madison refused, opting to instead monitor the trade blocks in his new dynasty leagues and crunch numbers for BestBall tournaments.
The phone rang on an empty Saturday morning as Madison was reviewing his WR3 tier rankings and fielding DM responses about the leagues he was attempting to enter into for 2022.
“Gee, sorry fellas, I’d love to come toss some frisbees around or whatever, but as you know I’ve got the 1.02 in our league this year and I’d rather stay home and work on my thoughts about whether or not Cooper Kupp repeating as the WR1. Maybe next year.”
Another failed attempt to get the man (who was torn about Allen Lazard being a 9th round selection or not) to literally have anything else interesting happening in his life.