“Why Millennials Are Ruining Football” by Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady

THE GOOD OLE DAYS, USA – Not many of you kids remember this, but there used to be an order to things in the NFL and in America. Kids like Jared Goff and Dak Prescott stayed in line, and all was right in the world. But these days, it just seems like you millennials think you can do whatever you want.

We’re sick of your shenanigans and your Doordashing and your Xbox machines. (Aaron: and we also hate your 5g microchip vaccines, yeah that’s right, I’m still not over it). We’re sick of this new age not letting us battle in NFC title games anymore with your smug arrogance and your Twitch streaming. I bet you’ve never even painted a picket fence in your lives, you lazy kids.

So take your Dogecoin and your Roblox Fortnites and cry online more like you love to do (Editor’s note: the two quarterbacks refused to see the irony in that sentence). We’re going to keep playing until we both get to win the Super Bowl again and you’re just going to sit there and wait your turn.

Tom: I swear I will play in this league until I die, you hear me? I will go to Las Vegas, I will go to San Francisco, I will throw it 90 times if I have to make a point. Then I’ll go home and kiss my son goodnight for 3-5 seconds a WINNER. How you like me now?

Aaron: Don’t you ever forget it, libtards!

Tom: What?

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