Fantasy Gazette

Las Vegas, NV – Following a day of pulling himself up by his bootstraps, QB Derek Carr has been asked by Pro Bowl officials to stop handing out his resume to opposing team’s front office personnel.

A likely trade or cut candidate, Carr was benched late in the 2022 season for Jarrett Stidham, left the team, and said goodbye to Raider Nation on Instagram. Since then, he’s done some aggressive face to face marketing with fresh copies of his resume on creamy stock paper.

“The weird part wasn’t even the resume,” said Jets HC Robert Saleh. “He started asking himself interview questions in front of me and then answering them.”

Carr reportedly also made sure to finish every conversation reminding various general managers, head coaches, and vice presidents that he’s the ideal QB of their future because he “loves God” and “isn’t Zach Wilson” and “never harassed women despite living in both Oakland and Las Vegas where you can totally get away with it.”

Fantasy Gazette obtained a copy of Carr’s resume, which said the following.

Derek Carr, Quarterback

To Whom It May Concern,

Thank you for taking time to review my application. I have been a Raider for 9 years, and I played at Fresno State. I know my jet black hair gives the impression I am untrustworthy, but please sign me. I have Davante Adams’ cell phone number, too.

Amen,

DC9