Fantasy Gazette

Macon, GA – Local NFL boycotter Darren King was talking to friends at a Super Bowl party Sunday when he said he just hopes the FOX broadcast won’t show the “woke” end zone slogans too often, eyewitnesses said.

“Eagles, Chiefs, whoever wins, I just pray to God those woke ‘End Racism’ end zone slogans aren’t on TV all day,” King said while fishing a Tostitos scooper out of a bowl of Susan’s rotel. “The good American patriots at FOX know what they’re doing, I hope.”

Sources at the party said that King was audibly groaning every time a noticeably gay couple bought a Lexus or bought a Baconator during commercials, spilling Natural Light out of the corner of his mouth in the process.

“He just kept getting mad about the ‘woke libtards’ ruining the country and was pissed that Colin Kaepernick was still in the league,” his neighbor Bill Donahue said. “I don’t think Darren knows that Kaep’s famously been out of the league for several years. I guess he’s boycotting it for that whole thing because Facebook said to. It’s a shame his Buffalo wings are so good, otherwise we wouldn’t invite him. Hang on, I gotta go, someone just mentioned the Chinese spy balloon and he might break something.”

At press time, Darren had excused himself from the party to record a video in his Chevy Silverado about the sad state of America while wearing his signature Oakley sunglasses.