Fantasy Gazette

[LOCATION REDACTED] – Green Bay Packers star QB Aaron Rodgers has broken the “no technology” rule of his darkness retreat to watch the latest episode of “The Joe Rogan Experience” after just six minutes, sources say. Rodgers was supposed to stay in complete silence and darkness for an entire four days so he could decide on playing football again, as most athletes need to do. In the amount of time it takes to brew and drink a cup of coffee, Rodgers reportedly lost his sanity and needed to consume online content. An alert of a new episode of Rogan’s show popped on Rodgers’ phone in the dark cabin he stayed in as he bit into the blueberry muffin that was hastily shoved through the wall by that guy from Breaking Bad that helped Walter disappear to New Hampshire. Rodgers immediately smashed open the lockbox containing his Bose headphones and an internet router for emergencies in order to watch Rogan sit down with Jake Paul, Jo Jorgensen, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson. We’re not entirely sure how Rodgers so quickly folded in the amount of time it takes to order a birthday cake online. Our spy cam believes he got quickly bored of re-reading Atlas Shrugged or performing curse rituals on Mike McCarthy. At press time, Rodgers had caved again after another five minutes and watched reruns of himself hosting Jeopardy!