Fantasy Gazette

BRISTOL, CT – Slay queen! ESPN has announced beginning this fall a brand new fantasy football app for women: ESPN Fantasy For Her. Announced on International Women’s Day, the massive company believes this is a giant win moving forward for a new target demographic.

“We’ve heard for years that the fantasy football space has been dominated by men,” said Nate Ravitz, Sr. Vice President of Digital Content at ESPN.”We have a slew of new exciting features for this app. I mean, we really threw the whole kitchen sink at this. Oops, excuse me ladies. I mean we threw the whole lawn mower and tool shed at this. See what I did there, girlbosses?”

For starters, the app will include new scoring categories that he says he thinks women would like. Players will score fantasy points on the For Her version of the app for the following:

1. Cute haircuts
2. Helping other players up when they fall
3. Complimenting their wife in post-game interviews
4. Looking good in their uniform
5. Not using profanity on the field
6. Showing teamwork by letting their backup play more reps
7. Having a tight butt
8. Pointing to their mom after a touchdown
9. Negative points for calling other players “b*tches”
10. Negative points for hitting Joe Burrow or Jalen Hurts

Umm, can someone say “yas queen?” These features slay and should definitely bring more women into the fold. The app also lets NFL players submit messages and photos to the women who have them on their roster, like “Thanks for having me on your team. I really cherish your support” and “Your husband didn’t take the trash out again, did he? You deserve better” with a shirtless locker room selfie attached. Ravitz says they wanted to unveil that years ago, but were waiting for Ben Roethlisberger to retire.

ESPN says they are excited to work with their new brand rep Channing Tatum and to look for “Woman focused” advertisements for the new app on YouTube, Instagram, and Pinterest starting tomorrow.

Targeted ads within the app will be for Sephora, Kate Spade, Housekeeping Magazine, etc rather than male-centric hardware stores and beer commercials

Let’s Go Ladies!

At press time, Deshaun Watson had been banned from the app, and any woman who drafts him to their team will immediately have their account removed.