Fantasy Gazette

After months of the most brilliant minds in football (and Dov Kleiman) picked apart the top QBs in the 2023 NFL draft, there’s still rigorous debate over who are the best ones. With a quarterback class this littered with talent and Will Levis, it’s no surprise the anticipation for the draft is sky-high. What people don’t understand is you can tell how valuable a QB is by the most objective metric possible: jersey number. It’s their personal brand, their story of how much value they bring. Think we’re wrong? Peyton Manning wore #18, and Zach Wilson wears #2. Still too stupid to understand? Let’s dive in.

1) Anthony Richardson, Florida (#15)

Richardson tops the list here, as he donned the same high-value #15 as former Gator QB Tim Tebow, who went on to have a successful career on the SEC Network. Richardson’s off-the-charts athleticism pales in comparison to the fact he chose one of the highest possible jersey numbers for a signal caller. He’ll succeed at the next level.

2) Stetson Bennett IV, Georgia (#13)

In an interview earlier this season, Bennett said he wore #13 in honor of his uncle who passed away during World War II – when Bennett was just 13 years old. Bennett has shown he’s not afraid to aim high with his jersey number and his moral compass.

3) Bryce Young, Alabama (#9)

Despite winning the Heisman trophy, Young’s size is a concern for some. However, since two digits couldn’t fit on his size Small jersey at Alabama, him choosing #9 (the biggest single digit on planet Earth) showed incredible determination. Whatever Young lacks in size, he more than makes up for in jersey selection.

4-T) C.J. Stroud, Ohio State (#7)

Most people don’t know this, but Coleridge Bernard Stroud IV actually used to wear #14 before switching over to the much lower #7 later in his Buckeye career. This lackluster decision-making ability may explain his terrible S2 Cognition score. It’s worth asking if Stroud himself even knows what number he’s wearing at all.

4-T) Will Levis, Kentucky (#7)

Levis, who transferred from Penn State because of discrimination against his weird eating habits, is the most overrated player in this draft. Not only did Levis wear a below-average #7, but he had plenty of opportunities to improve in that area. He played for two top-end programs and was in college until he was 23, but apparently it never crossed his mind that maybe he should switch numbers. 

6) Hendon Hooker, Tennessee (#5)

Hooker wore the pitiful #2 at Virginia Tech, but showed strong improvement by increasing to #5 with the Volunteers. While it’s still not a notable number (like his age – 25), it’s always nice to see players trying to improve themselves even far after their athletic prime ended.

7) Jaren Hall, BYU (#3)

Fellow BYU alum Zach Wilson was at the bottom of his class in our rankings just a couple years ago for wearing #1, a coward’s number. We like having a sky-high hit rate, so we’ll throw in a premature “I told you so” here for Hall. It seems these BYU players are more interested in soaking than actually improving their bottom-tier jersey numbers.

8) Dorian Thompson-Robinson, UCLA (#1)

Coward.