Lexington, KY – It’s a beautiful time in any dynasty fantasy football player’s life: the moment they know their rebuild is over. Just ask Paul Forman, whose years of research and elaborate trades have prepared his dynasty team for a championship run no earlier than the year of our Lord 2038. “After sending away D’Andre Swift and Jaylen Waddle for
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Eugene, OR – Speaking to reporters Friday about his 109-45 defeat in the 11th place game in his fantasy football league, first-time contender Rick Eidelman stated he was completely caught off guard by the disappointing season. “Honestly, I thought my first season would be different,” Eidelman said disappointedly. “I did everything right. I studied for nine minutes before the draft,
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America, USA – Vowing to never again view the National Football League after what they just watched, the nation’s youth assembled in thought Sunday afternoon after the Broncos took on the Rams on Nickelodeon. “What the f*ck man,” said Brady S., age 9. “Nickelodeon is a bunch of hoes for that, making me see a washed Russell Wilson take on
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Omaha, NE – Local man Saul Davis was speaking to coworkers Monday morning about the weekend when eyetwitnesses said the avid fantasy football player was on the verge of tears speaking about his team. More specifically, a botched lineup decision regarding players in the Sunday Night Football contest: he benched Chargers WR Joshua Palmer (8 catches, 100 yards, and 2
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MACON, GA – The good news? A local fantasy football analyst named Derek is now verified on Twitter. The bad news? His net worth is now steadily declining at exactly $8.00 per month. “I bought the verification to step up in the industry, because I’m not pathetic like some people,” said Derek. “I actually SUPER care about fantasy football. This
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Harrisburg, PA: 39-year-old Kaela Yost was subconsciously rubbing her left thumb against her now naked ring finger. Her gaze wandered off outside where her former husband, Tim, was loading the last of his belongings into a rented Penske truck. Their children Teagan, Kaegan, and Braeden looked on disappointedly, the Yost family’s legacy completely tarnished. “I mean, seriously, five losses in a
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Everyone that has ever walked God’s green Earth knows that fantasy football players are roughly 69 times more likely to participate in “the sex” or receive sexual favors than those who refrain from playing fantasy football. We all learn it at some point in middle school sexual education, I know I did! We don’t know about you, but we have
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It’s a common occurrence for modern Americans: loved ones on deployment from September to February during the NFL season. Spouses of NFL fans are stuck at home, watching the time pass and trying to make the most of their spouse’s deployment to the couch. Here are 10 tips you can use to manage your negative emotions while your spouse is
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WICHITA, KS – Looking to avenge his last-place finishes in 2020 and 2021, sources confirmed local idiot Brandon Miller is zeroing in on his quarterback for his fantasy football draft later this summer, and he’s going to do it in the first round again. “I always pick a quarterback first and my team sucks! But that’s just a coincidence, I
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SOMEWHERE INSIDE A STARBUCKS – A man was arrested for public rosterbation while on his laptop by local police early Monday morning, but officials say the damage had already been done. The man, who plays the popular online game “fantasy football,” had his draft held the previous evening and was reportedly rosterbating inside the popular coffee chain’s doors. “It started
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Fantasy Gazette 