Fantasy Gazette

BIRNIN ZANA, WAKANDA – Following a secret initiative to relocate one of the NFL’s saddest franchises, the Carolina Panthers have officially been approved for a relocation to the fictional country of Wakanda.

“The NFL is always looking to new horizons to expand our reach,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “We’ve gone to England, Mexico, Brazil, and Germany, and now we are looking beyond this plane of existence to new magical realms. As a bonus, we get to move David Tepper very far away from America.”

Goodell said Wakanda is a perfect fit for the NFL.

“They really impressed us with their large fan base, state-of-the-art facilities, oh – and their Vibranium,” said Goodell. “Not to mention the female warriors with the shaved heads.”

Vibranium is a type of metal with extraordinary powers to absorb, store, and release massive volumes of kinetic energy. It is impenetrable, indestructible, and has been known to give users super-human abilities. Vibranium Stadium is also already the greatest venue name in the history of sports.

New Panthers head coach Dave Canales is excited about the move.

“This is a great opportunity for us,” said Canales. “I can really see this intimidating country in Wakanda scaring the piss out of Derek Carr and Kirk Cousins.”

Second year quarterback Bryce Young sees this as chance to prove himself after a rough rookie year.

“I know I’m not the biggest guy out there, but I think the indestructible Vibranium uniform I’ll be wearing and the super human powers I’ll gain should help elevate my game and body to new heights,” said Young.

Other teams are upset by the Panthers move to Wakanda, saying it gives them an unfair advantage.

“I know the league wants parity and all and to help a downtrodden team, but this is going a bit too far,” said Broncos coach Sean Payton.

“Canales was right, this place is horrifying in every way. I want to go home,” said Kirk Cousins.

Following the press release, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was looking to move his team out of Dallas to another magical realm.

“I just finished watching those Harry Potter documentaries and I’m moving this team to Hogwarts!” said Jones.

The Hogwarts Cowboys may not be able to match the Panthers in power and strength, but the Panthers will be no match for its spells and potions, said Jones.

“I don’t care how powerful Bryce Young is, when Micah Parsons hits him with Wingardium Leviosa and his body goes flying out of bounds, there’s not much he can do,” said Jones.

At press time, the New York Jets had been declined their proposal to relocate to Asgard.