Fantasy Gazette

Week 7 of the NFL season featured much action and many games — with many players doing different things, as per their orders from their various coaches. Astonishingly, an extra-ordinarily high 50% of NFL teams lost their Week 7 games.

Let’s get into the highlights.

R.I.P. Danny Noonan

After Deshaun Watson went down with a season ending injury, the Browns brought in terrible backup Dorian Thompson Robinson who also left the game with an injury. “Oh, my finger, it’s broken,” Robinson reportedly said. Browns coach Kevin Stefanski then tapped the emergency third quarterback Danny Noonan to replace him. Noonan made a big putt, despite the crowd chanting “miss it, Noonan.” But then Noonan died on the next play after he got sacked. Double secret emergency quarterback Jameis Winston then came on to finish up for the deceased Noonan, throwing a TD pass in the 21-14 loss to the Bengals.

Giants Fall to the Mets

Several games in Week 7 came down to the wire (both the Lions and Packers won on last-second field goals). The New York Giants were also involved in a barn burner as they lost to the Mets 5-3. 

Quarterback Shuffle

It was a rough week for quarterbacks in the NFL as a slew of them went down with injuries, including, as mentioned, the entire Browns quarterback room. Other injured quarterbacks were star rookie Jayden Daniels of the Commanders, Aidan O’Connell of the Raiders, and Tyler Huntley of the Dolphins. Meanwhile the Giants can’t catch a break as Daniel Jones remains healthy. If you skipped the previous story, they also lost to the Mets.

Mike McDaniels Capri Pants Next?

Last week we were the first to report that Jags coach Doug Pederson’s visor was unceremoniously fired. His replacement, a full hat, led the Jaguars to a 32-16 win over Foxboro High School in London. This week after a loss to the Colts, we hear Dolphins coach Mike McDaniels’ capri pants are now on the hot seat.

Belichick Scouting “Squads”

Former New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick is reportedly getting serious about returning to the sidelines to coach in the NFL next season. This week, Belichick was seen scouting out several teams’ cheerleading squads, binoculars and all – is this the return of Belichick?

Senior Moment

The Dolphins accidentally signed Odell Beckham Sr. to play wide receiver – and the elder Beckham had a rough day. Beckham Sr. caught 0 passes on 2 targets in the Dolphins 16-10 loss to the Colts. It was almost as bad as when the Seahawks accidentally signed Kenneth Walker III’s grandfather, Kenneth Walker, to a rookie contract a few years ago – or when the Niners mistakenly inked toddler Deebo Samuel Jr. to a multiyear deal.

Polk or Polk?

Who said it: Patriots rookie Ja’Lynn Polk or the 11th President of the United States James K. Polk? 

“I believe I have the best hands in the league. So, I feel like my drops, that’s not an issue at all.”

Hint: He did not annex the Oregon Territory.