Aaron Rodgers Back In As Vice President After Learning RFK Jr. Also Hates Bears
NEW YORK – Despite making headlines throughout last NFL season on his speedy recovery from a torn achilles and his long-awaited return to football, New York Jets starting quarterback Aaron Rodgers is reconsidering his position and may in fact change his mind about being Robert F. Kennedy Jr’s running mate. The reason? Rodgers learned over the weekend that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. hates bears just as much he does.
According to the bizarre story, Kennedy told Roseanne he found a dead bear while driving, and dumped the bear carcass off the side of the road – originally wanting to keep it for meat harvesting.
“It’s a fascinating story,” said Rodgers of the Kennedy anecdote. “It actually reminded me of one of my many Egyptian fever dreams…it moved me in a metaphysical way. Plus killing bears with my car is how I scavenged for food in my darkness retreat.”
When asked why Rodgers would consider stepping away from football this close to the start of the NFL season, he stated, “I’ve been humiliating bears for nearly my entire career. If Robert can show that same hatred for bears now, maybe we can use that to take down some elephants and donkeys in November.”
At press time, the most recent bear to wind up dead in New York, Matt Forte, could not be reached for comment.
Fantasy Gazette 