Brock Purdy Tries To Memorize Every Player Drafted Before Him, Dies From Brain Aneurysm
49ers QB Brock Purdy has died from a brain aneurysm after trying to memorize every player drafted before him in the 2022 NFL Draft.
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Podcasting Cam Newton Struggling To Put “Brock Purdy Should Kill Himself” Into Football Terms
INSIDE A ROOM WITH LEATHER COUCHES AND SHURE MICROPHONES IN FRONT OF RETIRED ATHLETES – Cam Newton found himself seated inside a room with leather couches and Shure microphones in front of other retired athletes and was struggling to find football-specific terms to tell Brock Purdy to kill himself. “You know, he really just a game manager. He doesn’t make
Read moreVoters Unanimously Agree Brock Purdy Not Cool Enough To Win MVP Award
AP – During a routine gathering of eligible NFL MVP Award voters yesterday, the entire group was discussing different criteria and margins for winning the prestigious award, in which they unanimously and aggressively stated that 49ers’ QB Brock Purdy wasn’t, and never will be, cool enough to win the Most Valuable Player trophy. “When looking at the options of players
Read moreGrading Rookie QBs On How Cool Their Name Is
Accuracy. Level of competition. Athletic variables. These things are all stupid and useless. There is only one metric that truly defines how great an athlete will be: how cool their name is. You know it, and I know it. There are objective facts in language and culture that create what we know as an athlete’s most recognizable and lasting brand…having
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