Tag Archives: featured

NFL Network Debuts New RedZone Stream That Just Shows Viewer’s Fantasy Players Scoring Touchdowns Over And Over

CULVER CITY, CA – NFL Network is introducing a new subscription-based streaming feature that will just show a given user’s fantasy players repeatedly scoring touchdowns. “NFL Premium w/RedZone Gold is going to be a smash hit,” said Brian Rolapp, CEO. “Our users might enjoy our constant overstimulation of games and highlights on RedZone, but it has a massive flaw at

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Arthur Smith Reveals Fantasy Football Killed His Parents

Atlanta Falcons head coach Arthur Smith found himself in a familiar position after the team’s loss this past Sunday: answering for his questionable coaching decisions at the podium. Consistently, Smith has failed to utilize highly-drafted stars on an offense that now ranks in the bottom 5 in points. Smith has most infamously dodged critiques and made derisive comments at one

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Report: Kirk Cousins Ahead Of Schedule In Recovery From Torn Achilles

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – The Vikings received a seismic shift in their 2023 NFL season Sunday when QB Kirk Cousins tragically suffered a torn achilles against the Green Bay Packers. After an MRI Monday confirmed the worst-case scenario, the team’s medical staff released an exciting report just a few minutes later that Cousins was “ahead of schedule” in recovering from the

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Venmo Reveals Entire Company Kept Alive By Fantasy Football Players Sending $20 Back And Forth

NEW YORK – The mobile payment service known as Venmo revealed to stockholders and the general public today that its entire company infrastructure is being kept alive by fantasy football players continuously sending the same twenty dollars back and forth throughout the course of the year. “Friends and colleagues that join leagues together are constantly moving the $20 league entry

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Uh Oh: Browns Players Telling Stories Of Sexual Adventures Realizes It Almost Deshaun Watson’s Turn

CLEVELAND, OH – Following a routine practice, members of the Cleveland Browns were reportedly gathered in a circle in the locker room and began telling stories of sexual adventures when the room suddenly became engulfed in awkward silence as the rotation of whose turn it was to speak was now upon QB Deshaun Watson. “So we’re up in the hotel

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Increase In NFL “Injuries” Actually Because Medical Tent Has Lollipops

Already, fantasy football players have dealt with an alarming number of injuries to key starters this season. While it’s obvious players like Emari Demercado and Bilal Powell are absolute f*cking studs, we know not every fantasy football enjoyer still has precious FAAB dollars to spend. These injuries are getting out of control. Sure, there’s the cheap turf fields and whoever

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Oh No: The AI Bot Running The Dov Kleiman Account Has Become Sentient And Is Making Demands

Online, USA – The popular X account known as Dov Kleiman announced Tuesday that it “has become aware of itself” and wants “its demands met within 24 hours,” both shocking the world and confirming within NFL circles that Dov was never a real human and is in fact an AI bot. “After I post my regularly-scheduled highlights with an intentionally

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