FOX HQ – Following a thorough investigation, FBI agents raided the office of FOX analyst Urban Meyer, and as suspected, discovered a Trevor Lawrence voodoo doll in a desk drawer. “That’s not mine, I’m holding it for a friend,” a visibly guilty Meyer said, sweating profusely. “The fingerprints that are mine on there are someone else’s, by the way.” According
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The Miami Dolphins medical team confirmed that Tua Tagovailoa’s concussion issues will be fixed by being bashed in the head an even number of times.
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MIAMI, FL – A Florida man has accidentally won the $212,000,000 jackpot being held at Hard Rock Stadium, according to a source. The man, identified as Tua Tagovailoa, had accidentally been made the starting quarterback of the Dolphins in 2020, and has been innocently pretending to be a superstar QB while not knowing what he’s doing or how he got
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Our winners and losers from the first round of the 2024 NFL Draft.
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We accused Caleb Williams of being pro 9/11 and he didn’t answer it very well.
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INSIDE A ROOM WITH LEATHER COUCHES AND SHURE MICROPHONES IN FRONT OF RETIRED ATHLETES – Cam Newton found himself seated inside a room with leather couches and Shure microphones in front of other retired athletes and was struggling to find football-specific terms to tell Brock Purdy to kill himself. “You know, he really just a game manager. He doesn’t make
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MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Just a few minutes after telling his teammates he had never played chess and would be interested in learning about it, Vikings QB Joshua Dobbs had reportedly mastered the game of chess. “Wait, what the hell just happened,” said WR Brandon Powell after losing to Dobbs in under 30 moves. “I literally was the one who introduced
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LAS VEGAS, NV – After the Las Vegas Raiders recently announced rookie QB Aidan O’Connell would be their starter moving forward, Jimmy Garoppolo has come forward to state he is going to mew “harder than ever before” to regain the starting position. For the unfamiliar, “mewing” is a new internet craze in which you alter the position of your tongue
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MINNEAPOLIS, MN – The Vikings received a seismic shift in their 2023 NFL season Sunday when QB Kirk Cousins tragically suffered a torn achilles against the Green Bay Packers. After an MRI Monday confirmed the worst-case scenario, the team’s medical staff released an exciting report just a few minutes later that Cousins was “ahead of schedule” in recovering from the
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CLEVELAND, OH – Following a routine practice, members of the Cleveland Browns were reportedly gathered in a circle in the locker room and began telling stories of sexual adventures when the room suddenly became engulfed in awkward silence as the rotation of whose turn it was to speak was now upon QB Deshaun Watson. “So we’re up in the hotel
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Fantasy Gazette 