Fantasy Gazette

ONLINE, U.S.A. – A local fantasy football analyst has discovered a hidden loophole when making NFL predictions, and it’s shaking up the industry.

Romeo Lancaster, a fantasy football analyst for BigRotoFootballersWorldDynastyPros.com, was writing up his “Top 25 Running Backs (Plus 3 Sleepers!)” article for the site, when he stumbled across a predicament: Dolphins RB Raheem Mostert projects for another year of great usage, but has struggled with injuries in his career.

“I want to list Mostert as a top 15 option,” Lancaster sighed. “But if he gets injured, I’ll have my house burned down by my loyal readers.” It was then that a lightbulb went off. Lancaster went back to his keyboard and brought out a game-changer: an injury clause that makes him either correct or wrong on a technicality.

“It’s simple. I hang my entire prediction on whether or not the player will get hurt. Either he does great – and I’m correct – or I’m wrong, but it doesn’t count. I just won every fantasy football argument from now until forever,” he said.

He didn’t just stop there. Lancaster is continuing to put the phrase at the end of every single take he has. “I’ve got Lamar Jackson in my top 5 QBs this year. That is, of course, as long as he doesn’t get hurt,” he said. “I’m also putting Josh Allen above Jalen Hurts so long as Hurts doesn’t suffocate to death in a tush push.”

Lancaster has applied it to the hottest take imaginable: the 1st overall pick debate.

“Christian McCaffrey is obviously the consensus 1.01. That is of course, unless he gets hurt. Then it’s Tyreek Hill or CeeDee Lamb or Amon-Ra St. Brown. Whoever of those three misses the least amount of time is my 1.01. Actually, scratch that. My 1.01 is Ja’Marr Chase in the event that any of the aforementioned players are significantly injured or their quarterbacks or offensive lines all die,” he said in hiss latest article titled “My BOLDEST Takes For This Season (EXTRA SPICY 🔥).”

At press time, Lancaster’s lawyer had released a statement that claimed the analyst was willing to stake his entire reputation on the screaming draft value of Steelers’ RB Najee Harris and Seahawks’ WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba, but that if either player suffers so much as a sore hamstring at any point in the season, the take is legally not binding and he retroactively recommends you had drafted somebody else that we later find out would not be injured.