Fantasy Gazette

Rochester, NY – Local fantasy football player Shaun Winston, whose friends were pressuring him into joining “dynasty” leagues, has reportedly adopted a child on accident, sources say. “I think I went to the wrong website,” said Winter. “I wanted to play fantasy year round, and my buddies said I should try dynasty and find an orphan, and one thing led to another and now Breanna is my daughter. I’m kinda new at this.” Shaun’s gaffe led him down a rabbit hole of searching for local orphans, but none of them were to his liking. “Yeah this was a big mistake on my part. My buddies said to look for a decent buy-in so I’d stay invested, and the cost to adopt Breanna was over six thousand dollars. I didn’t want them to think I was a low-roller so I went through with it. I didn’t expect so much paperwork for some NFL players.” Brenna, an almost three-year-old orphan, said she “liked horsies” in her bio, which led Winston to believe it was some sort of code for having Colts’ RB Jonathan Taylor on the roster.

At press time, Shaun was digging through the adoption paperwork inside Breanna’s unicorn-themed backpack, desperately trying to find any documents pertaining to something called “2023 first rounders.”