Fantasy Gazette

WASHINGTON, DC – A damning new report from within congress has revealed Dianne Feinstein (D – Calif.) was warned ahead of time in a private meeting that RB Josh Jacobs was indeed planning to return to the Las Vegas Raiders. The RB, who led the league in rushing yards in 2022, saw his stock plummet over the off-season with a contract holdout keeping him from the team. His odds for starting the season a Raider were bleak. But Feinstein was able to accrue several best ball shares and make multiple trades on her win-now dynasty rosters during the panic, and all of this in the hours before an official report showed Jacobs was indeed going to be a fantasy football factor by the season opener. This offseason, she had also managed to stack Breece Hall with Dalvin Cook before the latter became a Jet and selected Jaylen Warren in another draft a mere 3 seconds before he housed a 62 yard TD in the preseason.

At press time, Feinstein had sent out numerous trades for Colts RB Jonathan Taylor and drafted him in five consecutive best ball drafts within a 30 minute time span. She then put Miles Sanders on the block in every league she owned him (her words) and was scouring the waiver wire for Leonard Fournette.