Fantasy Gazette

NEW YORK, NY – Following his infamous injury on Monday Night Football, Jets QB Aaron Rodgers met with a renowned achilles surgeon, during which he told the doctor he would be foregoing the standard surgical procedure and instead be doing his own research.

“I laid out clearly the standard scientific procedure for Aaron,” said Dr. Phil Harmonic, the highest-rated Achilles surgeon in New York City. “After going over how the procedure would repair the tendon using modern science, Rodgers began to convulse and dry heave.”

Rodgers immediately limped out of the room and called up a friend, stating the problem. They agreed to meet after the friend’s latest podcast finished recording and do ayahuasca together to calm down and go over next steps. Aaron requested the “friend” (who we’ll call J.R.) remain anonymous for the article.

“I decided to do my own research on Achilles surgery,” Rodgers said. “I read an article from PragerU that sheds some light on the deep state using mind control to repair tendons surgically with 5G. Pretty scary stuff when you open your eyes to the things they don’t want you to see. It’s just too risky for me to be drugged into unconsciousness in a locked room full of professionally trained and corrupt surgeons.”

At press time, Aaron had begun to come around to the idea of surgery when he found out he’d get plenty of rest in a dark room when it was over.