Fantasy Gazette

In a stunning and revolutionary move, the sports betting site DraftKings is now allowing users to bet on whether or not players will tear their ACL over the course of a game. The move is in efforts to expand what players can wager on, and to ensure users that a devastating injury doesn’t mean their parlay has to be ruined.

“We are excited to roll out this new feature for our addic-ahem…excuse me, users,” said CEO Jason Robins. “Previously, if you thought a player’s ACL would sever in their upcoming game, you’d be forced to take their ‘under’ on stats, but nobody likes to do that. Now, you can simply smash the “over” button on 0.5 ACL tears. Good luck, bettors!”

How exciting! Now, instead of a torn ACL meaning the end of a couple fantasy matchups and a failed parlay, users who wisely hammered the 0.5 ACL prop can still see their parlay reach the end of the rainbow.

“This is great news, I can’t wait to use this feature,” said Devonte Harding, a diehard Baltimore Ravens fan. “I’ve watched countless players for my favorite team shred apart their ACLs playing for us, and now I can finally profit off their pain. I’m about to go deposit some more future rent payments!”

Haha, wow. You go, Devonte. You go. Okay, DraftKings fans, go get those bets in for the upcoming game on FedEx Field or anywhere there’s turf. Just use code GAZETTE for an extra $10 in bonus bets (non-refundable and not withdraw-able, of course).