Fantasy Gazette

CLEVELAND, OH – Following a routine practice, members of the Cleveland Browns were reportedly gathered in a circle in the locker room and began telling stories of sexual adventures when the room suddenly became engulfed in awkward silence as the rotation of whose turn it was to speak was now upon QB Deshaun Watson.

“So we’re up in the hotel room,” said one player two spaces away from Watson. “We’re going at it, and all of a sudden her boyfriend starts pounding on the door and yelling. So I’m hiding in the shower – and she said I was her friend Rebecca! Now I’m talking in a girl voice and s**t so he wouldn’t beat me up. It was crazy, man, I was terrified. He definitely had a gun, too.”

The room erupted with laughter as they egged the player on to mimic his girl voice that saved his life. The moment was joyous and a great chemistry-building exercise for the team. The player sitting beside Watson was next, and a few eyes started to connect as they realized the circular path of storytelling was soon upon their infamous quarterback.

“I’ve been happily married since my senior year at Vanderbilt, so I’m not sure I have too many crazy stories for you fellas,” said the player next to Deshaun, when he suddenly realized the pattern that was unfolding. “But…um…I have a story from when we were dating, should I tell that one?” he asked as a bead of sweat shot down his forehead. The room eagerly agreed hoping he would keep the story as long as possible, delaying the conversation for enough time that something might cause them all to have to leave before Watson’s narrative of sexual escapades got told against their will.

At press time, the player had been on minute 47 of a story about he and his then-girlfriend attempting to hook up in his dorm room while a loud tournament of Super Smash Bros was distracting them in the lobby, with the Browns players attempting to stall while Deshaun was growing visibly impatient to tell his stories.

Godspeed, Browns players. Lord only knows what Watson’s going to talk about when it’s his turn.