Fantasy Gazette

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Just a few minutes after telling his teammates he had never played chess and would be interested in learning about it, Vikings QB Joshua Dobbs had reportedly mastered the game of chess. “Wait, what the hell just happened,” said WR Brandon Powell after losing to Dobbs in under 30 moves. “I literally was the one who introduced this to him, like ten minutes ago. He disappeared to the bathroom I think and just pulled the greatest move I’ve ever seen.” Teammates of Dobbs were introduced to his insane processing skills after acquiring him midweek from the Cardinals and then watching him undo the Atlanta Falcons without even knowing the team’s playbook. Dobbs still hasn’t learned all his teammates names. “Number 4 over there caught a nice TD pass and then told me he had a chessboard in the locker room,” said Dobbs. “I took a quick bathroom break after hearing the rules of the game and in between wiping and washing my hands I just kinda figured out how the game ticks. Why, does it normally take longer to master this?” Dobbs finished off the day by mastering quilting, culinary arts, the violin, and the rest of the NFC North’s playbooks, just in case.