Fantasy Gazette

PHOENIX, AZ – During a routine pass/catch drill this week, Cardinals QB Kyler Murray was handed a ball by an assistant coach with absolutely no defensive pressure and threw a medium-energy pass to rookie WR Marvin Harrison, Jr – who hauled in the pass without dropping it.

Sources near my pants confirmed that I came.

“It’s completely understandable, we all did in a way,” said the Cards’ beat reporter from the AZ Central. “The way Murray looked in that no-contact jersey zipping a pass to a jogging Harrison is enough to make anyone’s pants a little tighter in the front.”

I wasn’t the only one getting in on the satisfaction. Just ask Head Coach Jonathan Gannon.

“We’re extremely proud of Murray, who wasn’t even behind an offensive line, for completing that pass to Maserati Marv. Once it was complete, I gave the go-ahead to our tech guys to display the Orgasm Cam on the jumbotron.”

The new Orgasm Cam shows off anyone in the audience visually pleasured by the most routine possible plays to NFL players. This new feature is entirely for fantasy football analysts.

“Watching the QB go half-speed in a warmup drill and hit my latest dynasty pick right between the numbers while he was practically walking on a sluggo route was just pure sex,” said one analyst. “I almost ran out of towels today.”

“I have flown to every minicamp I could this offseason, and I would have came today if it weren’t for all those Caleb Williams-to-Rome Odunze slants I watched at the hotel last night,” said another analyst.

At press time, a new video of Harrison, Jr catching an unguarded touchdown pass during a red zone drill had reached over 14,000,000 views on PornHub.