Fantasy Gazette

According to sources, former Patriots head coach Bill Belichick was on a seafood dinner date with his new girlfriend Jordon Hudson, a 24-year old former Patriots cheerleader, when Belichick repeatedly struck out while trying to reference “Gilligan’s Island” in various jokes, callbacks, and colloquialisms in their conversation.

Belichick noticed a small boat docking near the restaurant and noted something along the lines of “hey, it’s the good ol’ SS Minnow,” which would unfortunately illicit nothing more than a furrowed set of eyebrows and confused look from Hudson.

“Beautiful day, eh Skipper?” Belichick later said to a rather hefty waiter wearing a captain’s hat. The remark landed a sharp exhale from the waiter’s nostrils and Hudson yet again immediately going to her phone and scrolling Instagram to pass a brutal 10 second time period of Belichick mispronouncing various lobster dishes.

To the unfamiliar Gen Z’ers, Gilligan’s Island was a popular television show about – you know what, what’s the point. You can just Google it or search it on TikTok for clips if you really want to know. You’re probably not even reading this article. You probably only read the headline. You probably don’t even watch television or go to dine-in restaurants or write checks or anything. Back to the story.