Fantasy Gazette

HOUSTON, TX – “OH SHIT, OH FUCK” screamed a remarkably sweaty C.J. Stroud as he jolted up from his bed. The Houston Texans star quarterback had recently suffered a nightmare of unimaginable horrors – having to play at the helm of a professional football team that did not gift-wrap him several elite wide receivers. “It was worse than anything I’ve experienced since playing at Ohio State with Marvin Harrison, Garrett Wilson, Chris Olave, and Jaxon Smith-Njigba,” Stroud said, still with a haunted look in his eyes only matched by WWII survivors. “The nightmare felt real. It was like I was actually throwing dimes to Kadarius Toney, Chase Claypool, and Nelson Agholor that slipped out of their hands and got picked off. Then, when I went back to the bench Stefon Diggs yelled at me for only having 16 targets instead of 17 targets like he wanted. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anybody,” he said as he rolled back into bed to be Tank Dell’s big spoon. At press time, Stroud had recently suffered a second nightmare of not being taken seriously during a podcast appearance.