Fantasy Gazette

The Shanahan coaching tree is the gift that keeps on giving. Following the early offensive success of Saints Offensive Coordinator Klint Kubiak, the latest godsend in offensive schematics, NFL teams are already making Head Coach offers to Jordan McVay, the one-year-old son of Los Angeles Rams Head Coach Sean McVay.

“This toddler is a genius, plain and simple,” one NFL owner said. “He’s already got the alphabet memorized front to back. X’s and O’s are going to be second nature to him. I heard he’s already onto colors and shapes, then he’ll revolutionize the Wing-T scheme.”

It’s clear Jordan McVay’s career is already set in motion, with upcoming key milestones including volunteering as the ball boy for the Calabasas, California Pop Warner football team, learning all the names of the characters on Bluey, winning championships on Heisman mode in EA Sports College Football 25, and finishing all his carrots. This will culminate in a meteoric rise to offensive coordinator for an NFL team.

Franchises like the New York Giants and Carolina Panthers are allegedly “very eager” to secure the soon-to-be gridiron savant Jordan McVay on a lifetime contract as soon as possible after hearing the toddler created a triple-lateral system using only pieces of macaroni and glue.

At press time, one source familiar with the Giants’ impending offer noted the toddler was the obvious choice: “If there’s anything this front office can do to perpetuate the cycle of gatekeeping high-paying jobs in the NFL, they are going to do it.”