Category Archives: Player News

NFL Teams Worried About Wide Receiver They Hoped To Draft After Personality Exam Reveals He’s Normal

Posted on by Leave a comment

Following a series of personality exams on an upcoming rookie Wide Receiver that revealed he was a normal guy, NFL teams across the league were unanimously skeptical of the player’s ability to blossom into stardom at the next level. The testing, which included: cognitive functions, the SAT, 1-on-1 interviews, watching them play Grand Theft Auto, and personality exams, revealed that

Read more

Jalen Hurts Greets New Teammate Saquon Barkley Tush-First

Posted on by Leave a comment

PHILADELPHIA, PA – “Greetings, future pusher!” was the first thing Saquon Barkley heard when looking towards new QB Jalen Hurts, who had his rear end pointed towards the star tailback. “Better get used to the view!” Barkley, the newest addition to an excellent Philadelphia offense, said he was excited to get started with the team but was immediately overwhelmed by

Read more

Here’s 31 Teams We Think Tee Higgins Could Be Traded To

Posted on by One comment

Disgruntled Bengals WR Tee Higgins has requested a trade from the team, which means it is guaranteed to happen and happen immediately. Here are the 31 teams we suspect he may be traded to. New England Patriots, New York Jets, Buffalo Bills, Miami Dolphins, Baltimore Ravens, Pittsburgh Steelers, Cleveland Browns, Houston Texans, Tennessee Titans, Indianapolis Colts, Jacksonville Jaguars, Kansas City

Read more

Frustrated Stefon Diggs Just Wants To Be Huge Whiny Bitch In More Interesting City

Posted on by Leave a comment

BUFFALO, NY – Superstar wideout Stefon Diggs has been vocal over time about his frustrations in Buffalo, announcing today that his main priority is to be a huge whiny bitch of a man in a significantly more interesting city, preferably outside of upstate New York. “I’m over Buffalo, man,” Diggs said in a tweet. “The playoff losses sting even more

Read more

Rockstar Games Reveals Antonio Brown As Playable Character In Grand Theft Auto VI

Posted on by Leave a comment

AP – Rockstar Games isn’t done making headlines. The gaming company dropped the highly-anticipated trailer for Grand Theft Auto VI this week, with the YouTube trailer already breaking records in number of views. Most excitedly, perhaps, is Rockstar’s announcement that one of the featured playable character is former NFL Wide Receiver Antonio Brown. Strauss Zelnick, the CEO of Rockstar’s parent

Read more

Voters Unanimously Agree Brock Purdy Not Cool Enough To Win MVP Award

Posted on by Leave a comment

AP – During a routine gathering of eligible NFL MVP Award voters yesterday, the entire group was discussing different criteria and margins for winning the prestigious award, in which they unanimously and aggressively stated that 49ers’ QB Brock Purdy wasn’t, and never will be, cool enough to win the Most Valuable Player trophy. “When looking at the options of players

Read more

God Announces He Forgot To Turn Down Injury Sliders For NFL Season

Posted on by Leave a comment

HEAVEN – God, the omnipotent being responsible for the creation of the universe and its inhabitants, revealed in a statement to the press that he forgot to turn down the injury sliders for the current NFL year. “Yeah, guys, this one’s on me,” said the almighty father. “I was messing with some settings to try and make the season more

Read more
« Older Entries Recent Entries »