Tag Archives: Cardinals

Federal Reserve Considering Measures To Curb Rookie WR Inflation

Washington, DC – In response to record-high inflation rates, the Federal Reserve raised interest rates 11 times since March 2022. Now that prices have largely stabilized, the regulatory body will shift its focus to where it is needed most: the 2024 rookie class of wide receivers in fantasy football. The overall inflation rate may have decreased from 9.1% to 3%,

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Update: Joshua Dobbs Learning How To Play Chess – Update: Joshua Dobbs Has Now Mastered Chess

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Just a few minutes after telling his teammates he had never played chess and would be interested in learning about it, Vikings QB Joshua Dobbs had reportedly mastered the game of chess. “Wait, what the hell just happened,” said WR Brandon Powell after losing to Dobbs in under 30 moves. “I literally was the one who introduced

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EXCLUSIVE: NFL Script Leaked; Kyler Murray And Deshaun Watson “Enemies-To-Lovers” Romantic Subplot To Begin This Sunday

The NFL has big plans for the game in Cleveland this weekend, a source close to the situation told the Gazette. The Arizona Cardinals are facing Browns this Sunday and both teams had quarterback uncertainty this week. According to our source, these “injuries” were staged as part of a larger plot. Kyler Murray and Deshaun Watson are young, talented, and

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Jonathan Gannon Recalls Speech After Taking Bus For First Time

PHOENIX, AZ – New Cardinals head coach Jonathan Gannon has announced he is changing his mind on the virtue of taking the bus after doing so for the first time, a source confirms. “That shit was horrible, nevermind,” Gannon said. “I met two crackheads and one of them threw up on me. I’m never doing that again.” Gannon infamously spoke

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Fantasy Football Player Who Had Trade Screenshot Exposed Without His Username Crossed Out Placed In Witness Protection

Earlier this summer, during a fateful night of bar crawling and poor decisions, “Aaron Bright” found himself stumbling home and playing around on the Sleeper app, a popular fantasy football platform. Full of beer and carnal instincts, Bright sent out a flurry of ill-advised trades to his leaguemates. It wasn’t until the next morning he realized what happened. Mr. Bright,

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Calvin Ridley Has Suspension Reduced After Using Gambling Winnings To Buy Steroids

Atlanta, GA – Falcons star wideout Calvin Ridley has gotten his year-long suspension from the NFL reduced after using his gambling winnings to buy performance enhancing drugs. Ridley had been suspended for betting on NFL games on his smartphone, but appealed the suspension to Roger Goodell and the NFLPA this week while absolutely yoked from the steroids. “We’re thrilled to

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