Fantasy Gazette

Over the course of the past year, Josh Jacobs has caused fantasy football players jubilation and crushing heartbreak to those who doubted him. At the Gazette, we wanted to capture the duality of the human spirit during his crucial year of RB production by holding a poetry contest. We asked readers to submit works about Josh Jacobs in six poetic categories. Out of approximately 29,000 entries, our judges selected the following as the cream of the crop. Enjoy!

LIMERICK

There once was a back from Las Vegas.

Not drafting him last year does plague us.

His 53 catches,

Like playing with matches

Excites us, and leaves us en fueg-us.

submitted by Timothy Hornbeck of Prince Albert, Saskatchewan

HAIKU

“Roll tide!” we chanted.

And roll our beloved did,

At last. In year four.

submitted by Carolyn Rutherford of Tuscaloosa, Alabama

FREE VERSE

“You must not draft” the smug analyst smirked “this underperforming,

underwhelming, inconsistent,

slow-footed, weak-willed, injury-prone,

inefficient running back in your draft.”

“I must not draft” I echoed, so confident in my Take “this overdrafted,

overhyped, underproducing,

plodding, fumbling, middling

bust of a running back in my draft.”

How smart I felt, and how wise. How I laughed

at my league mate when he picked this

average

talentless

replacement-level

running back in round five.

And how I cried, how I wept when this

overperforming, overwhelming, consistent, fleet-footed, strong, healthy, efficient, high-scoring,

league-winning running back

carried my league mate to the playoffs.

He lost in the first round.

submitted by Sabrina Nguyen of Casper, Wyoming

ACROSTIC

Just when you thought you knew who he was

Out of nowhere, this young man has a

Season that no one could predict. It makes you say

Huh.

submitted by Emeka Adeyemi of Lincoln, Nebraska

ANAPESTIC TETRAMETER (DR. SEUSS)

This is Josh. He likes to run.

He likes to run out in the sun.

He likes to run until he’s done,

He’s not done ’til his team has won.

He runs in silver, he runs in black.

He runs with people on his back.

He runs with a click, he runs with a clack.

He runs faster than a Ziggledee-Zak!

We like Josh, oh yes we do.

We like the points he can accrue.

What things? Well, I will say to you

One thing, and then another, too.

We like the way that he can score.

He’ll score and score, then score some more!

Versus Seattle two, and against Houston more,

We’ve never seen such scores before!

We also like how he can catch.

There’s not a ball that he can’t snatch!

When his coach needs a brand-new plan to hatch

He can hatch a great catch Josh can snatch without match!

So now you know Josh. You know him quite well.

So put your book up and lie down for a spell.

Tomorrow’s a new day, and then you can tell

The world, when you wake, your new Josh intel.

submitted by Diego Alvarez of Salt Lake City, Utah

SONNET (PETRARCHAN)

O Josh, mine eyes hath seen the best, ’tis thee.

To watch thee run, to watch thee catch and score

Is as, to me, to watch the sun rise ‘fore

How quickly one might gain ten yards or more

Doth move me like the sand upon the shore

Is mov’d by waves, and fills my heart with glee!

But why, Josh, when I love thee o so much

When I requir’d thee the most of all

Didst thou depart and leave me cold and lost?

In week sixteen, thou earn’t three yards per touch

And all my hopes that I might win didst fall.

So is the joy thou giveth worth the cost?

submitted by J. McDaniels, of Las Vegas, Nevada

Congratulations to all of our winners! Each will receive a DVD copy of Any Given Sunday 2: The Sundays Keep on Coming signed by former Josh Jacobs teammate Jalen Richard, as well as a $25 gift certificate to Red Lobster.